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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
yourplayersaidwhat
yourplayersaidwhat

Some context: I’m working with another player (a half-elf sorcerer) to try to haggle down the price on a Deck of Many Things we found in a shop. The shopkeeper refuses to sell it for any lower than 60 platinum, the price he bought it for.

Half- Elf (OOC): Can I convince him that he was ripped off and the deck has no value?

DM: I mean, you can try.

Sorcerer: (Rolls a 4)

DM: The Shopkeeper doesn’t believe you, claiming that the wizard that sold it to him was a longtime friend of his.

Me (OOC): Ok ok, then I’m going to ask to see the deck before I buy it.

DM: Roll for persuasion

Me: (Rolls an 8)

DM: Nope. Sorry, he doesn’t really trust you.

Me (with a smile slowly creeping across my face): Then can you at least show me a card? I need to know that you’re not ripping me off.

The DM immediately realizes what I’m doing, and attempts to set the persuasion saving throw incredibly high.

Me: (rolls a 19)

Shopkeeper: Sure, I guess. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

The DM sighs as he picks a random card out of the Deck of Many Things. And, lo and behold, it the card Ruin. (Which makes all non-magical items you have disintegrate.)

Needless to say, the shopkeeper lost everything he owned except the Deck. This included his house.

Me (OOC): I’m just gonna bend down and pick up the deck. Does he do anything to stop me?

DM: Well… no. No, I guess not. He just stares at you, and whispers “why”

Sorcerer: You should’ve given it to us when you had the chance.

So not only did we get a free Deck of Many Things at Level Two, we also ruined a man’s life. Overall, I’d say it was a good day.

avatarerin

help a nonbinary lesbian and my family out

avatarerin

I’m Erin and my family needs at least $10 to eat this week. I’m still trying for disability but if you’ve ever applied for disability, you know how hard and long it can be. If you want to donate, be it 1 cent, it would be greatly appreciated. I will repay anyone who donates in any way I can. We are in bad debt, which is where most of our money goes to. Reblogs are as helpful as donations and nobody has to donate if they don’t want to or can’t, times are hard,no one should feel guilty for not donating. If you don’t want to donate or are in debt yourself, it’s fine. I love y’all. Please don’t send me hate, I will block you.

paypal or cash.me or venmo

beastfeast87
dubiousculturalartifact

I just accidentally invented a new idiom, maybe?

“Licking a tree & hoping for maple syrup.” 

aka “A attempt at resolving/achieving something with less effort than is required for success, & a high probability of it proving merely futile & faintly unpleasant’

herculepoirot314

I can support this as a turn of phrase.

whetstonefires

I think you’ve really tapped into something here.

Source: dubiousculturalartifact
yourplayersaidwhat

Absent-minded Warlock vs. Arrogant Beholder, Round 1

yourplayersaidwhat

So right before spring break, three of my friends and I were playing a one-shot campaign. I was playing an older character of mine named Jack, who is an absent-minded warlock with a +1 Rod of the Pact Keeper. We were lost in the woods and had just gotten ambushed by a beholder who wanted our magic items, the fighter had yet to say anything, and the bard was flipping his shit. So:

Me: -still trying to do this diplomatically- “‘Okay, what do you want?’”

DM: “'Just your magic trinkets.’”

Me: “'So…do you want the relic sword?’”

DM: “'Yes.’”

Me: “'What about my rod?’”

(beat)

Entire table: -cracks straight the hell up-

Me: -OOC and realizing what I’d just made my character say- “I meant my Pact Keeper Rod!”

Bard Friend: “'Go for it Jack! Seduce him! Maybe you can convince him not to kill us!’”

Entire table: -laugh until they’re red in the face-

DM: -once he can breathe again- “The big eye blinks at you and you hear him say ‘Your…your what?’”

Me: “I slowly bring up my magic rod, looking incredibly confused. 'My…Rod of the Pact Keeper?’”

I was paralyzed immediately after that, but the beholder actually considered keeping my character alive for the entertainment value, and according to the DM, if the beholder had actually responded, the response would’ve been “Oh Daddy, yes.”