Absent-minded Warlock vs. Arrogant Beholder, Round 1
So right before spring break, three of my friends and I were playing a one-shot campaign. I was playing an older character of mine named Jack, who is an absent-minded warlock with a +1 Rod of the Pact Keeper. We were lost in the woods and had just gotten ambushed by a beholder who wanted our magic items, the fighter had yet to say anything, and the bard was flipping his shit. So:
Me: -still trying to do this diplomatically- “‘Okay, what do you want?’”
DM: “'Just your magic trinkets.’”
Me: “'So…do you want the relic sword?’”
DM: “'Yes.’”
Me: “'What about my rod?’”
(beat)
Entire table: -cracks straight the hell up-
Me: -OOC and realizing what I’d just made my character say- “I meant my Pact Keeper Rod!”
Bard Friend: “'Go for it Jack! Seduce him! Maybe you can convince him not to kill us!’”
Entire table: -laugh until they’re red in the face-
DM: -once he can breathe again- “The big eye blinks at you and you hear him say ‘Your…your what?’”
Me: “I slowly bring up my magic rod, looking incredibly confused. 'My…Rod of the Pact Keeper?’”
I was paralyzed immediately after that, but the beholder actually considered keeping my character alive for the entertainment value, and according to the DM, if the beholder had actually responded, the response would’ve been “Oh Daddy, yes.”
yourplayersaidwhat