Context: My significant other is introducing a new, neutral evil, character to a West Marches game I help DM. The following is done over text chat. The setting is a tavern in the middle of a town, far from other civilization: East Piceno.
Valence (My S/O’s tiefling rogue): The doors to the tavern slam open, and a rather odd looking tiefling appears. “Hello, the tavern!” He promptly sits down at a table, and puts his feet up on an adjacent chair.
Me, as the barkeep: As soon as your feet hit the chair’s surface, a walnut flies from across the room and pegs you in the forehead. “Feet on the floor, or your ass is out the door,” the barkeep says with a scowl.
Valence: “Aw, this is one of those boring bars.” He considers, briefly, whether he’s willing to get into a fight with the barkeep, but decides against it, swinging his feet to the floor. His claws click intentionally. “That’s what I get for coming to a town in the middle of nowhere.”
Me: The barkeep rolls his eyes, but decides not to comment. “Food? Drink? A room? What do you need, kid?”
Valence: He puffs up indignantly. “I’m no child. I’m here looking for a group of adventurers, but all I see are some miscellaneous common townsfolk and someone who needs his eyes checked before they-” He cuts himself off, seeming to think better of his comment, and crosses his arms. His tail lashes, twin ends whipping in sync. “I’m flat-out broke and need a way to make money. I’m fucking starving.”
Me: The keep sighs, making a muttered comment about adventurers. “You’re in the right place. Pull up a chair, first drink’s on the house.”
Valence takes his seat, and the barkeep gives him an ale before vanishing to the back room. Several minutes pass, and the barkeep returns. A few minutes later, a man most of the players know, but my S/O has never met enters the room.
Me, as the man in question: The tavern doors open, and a young, but white haired and bespectacled human enters the room. A quick glance is cast about the room, and he moves to sit across from the tiefling. “Hello there.”
Valence: The tiefling raises an eyebrow, sitting up a bit more. How…unusual this man looks. “Hello.” He sits relaxed, not quite lounging but definitely not tense.
Me: A charming smile crosses the man’s face and he extends a hand. “Klossowski. I hear you’re looking for the guild in town, yes? Well, you’ve found them.”
Valence: The tiefling looks at his hand, almost suspiciously, but only for a brief moment before relaxing and taking it. “You’d be correct. I’m Valence. Looking for, ah, work. Preferably something exciting that doesn’t involve dying horribly.”
Me: “Excellent. Welcome aboard.” He withdraws the hand, and reaches into a pocket for a moment… Retrieving a small, three inch iron sphere. He mutters the word ‘manners’ and the ball streaks out across the table.
[I roll, and the sphere hits Valence’s AC]
Me: Valence is restrained by the Iron Bands of Binding. You can make a strength check or an escape artist check to attempt to escape. “Let’s get one thing clear. I have eyes all over this town. You’ll keep that attitude in check, and you’ll not threaten my people again. Understood?”
Valence: Valence snarls and fights at the restraints. “I won’t tolerate being insulted! And I didn’t threaten him, I just- threatened to threaten him. I didn’t say anything.”
Me: “Riiiight.” The Mayor rolls his eyes. “Look, the guild needs all the help it can get. What we don’t need is someone who’s going to cause more trouble for this town than they’ll help. You do your part, you help the guild with their operations, you’re a free man. Cause trouble—threaten people, hurt people, destroy property, the usual—I make your life a living nightmare. Are we clear?”
Valence: Valence hisses through his teeth but stops fighting. He’s pissed, obviously so, but knows when he’s beaten. “We’re clear.” He wiggles a bit, unhappily. “Who are you? What is this? I can get out of anything-!”
Me: “I, my good sir, am Mayor Klossowski Piceno.” He snaps his fingers, and the bands shrink back down into the 3 inch ball from before, flying back to his hand. Valence is no longer restrained. “Good day sir.” And with that, he turns and walks towards the door. As he approaches the door, he stops, and turns to the barkeep. “Get the tiefling some food. He looks half starved.
And that was the day my players learned “Don’t fuck with the Mayor” was rule number 1.
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